By Adriana Espinal
When I was younger, my dad – almost a little too joyfully – created what I came to regard as an annoying birthday tradition. The tradition went like this: as any of his children peacefully slumbered on the celebratory day of our birth, he quietly tiptoed into our rooms with a disposable camera in hand, turned on the bedroom light, screamed “Feliz cumpleaños!” at the top of his lungs as he hovered over us, and loudly snapped a picture at the sign of any eye movement. Like my siblings, I would have gladly exchanged the trauma, fear, and confusion experienced in those moments for more sleep.
After my dad passed away several years ago, birthdays are a little more meaningful because they remind me of how special he always made me feel. From piñatas and parties in elementary school to birthday brunches in college, I have always been fortunate enough to spend the day with people I treasure the most: family or friends who have become family.
Weeks ago, I was actually excited about celebrating my birthday during quarantine. I bookmarked several dessert recipes to determine which one I would bake the day before my birthday so that I could enjoy it on my special day (it was between cheesecake and tiramisu; I chose tiramisu). I narrowed down which restaurants near me would be open so that I could order a special dinner and pick it up, even considering what type of wine I would pair with the cuisine.
Then like a crashing wave a couple days before my birthday, the thought hit me that I wasn’t going to be near people I love on my birthday; instead, I would be by myself in my tiny room for most of the day with two roommates who – I’m not entirely convinced – even like me all that much. Would the outside world even remember? Would it still be as special and magical as it has been in previous years? I knew video calls and phone calls would assuage the loneliness, but all I wanted was to embrace people I love and celebrate with joy and laughs in person instead of through a computer screen.
In the midst of the sorrow, I cried out to God and was reminded that He cares about every single tear I shed; the Psalms tell about God knowing our sorrows and collecting all of our tears in His bottle (Psalm 56:8). As my loving Heavenly Father, He is hurting when I am hurting. I cried into the night and awoke still hurting, knowing that I needed to allow the space and time to grieve.
We’ve all experienced loss in the past month or so, whether it’s been things as seemingly insignificant as long-held birthday traditions or things much larger such as routines, comfort, maybe even jobs or people. The truth is we will continue experiencing loss and grief in the months to come and even after - if not for ourselves, then at least for those around us. The beauty is that God is not only with us in the suffering, but He provides comfort in the suffering. In his letter to the church in Corinth, Paul writes that God is the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3) and that through Jesus, our comfort overflows. As believers we not only receive the comfort we need, but we receive more than enough comfort from God so that we can share that comfort with our loved ones, our friends, our families, our coworkers, our neighbors, and maybe even that stranger we walk past (at a physically safe distance, of course). And maybe God designed us that way so that as we comfort others and show them love, we take our eyes off ourselves and instead take a look at the beautiful work that God is doing all around us. There’s healing that can begin when we share our hurt with people who know us and love us.
Maybe one day I’ll get to wake up my future kids on their birthdays by screaming happy birthday and sneaking a picture of them as they roll their eyes at their annoying mom and cover their heads with their comforters; but I know that I’m not living for that day. I am alive today and grateful for what God has for me right here and right now. In Him, there is fullness of joy, peace that surpasses all understanding and mercies made new every morning. I trust and believe that the Creator of the universe is with me and that will always be the best gift I could ever receive.
And in case you’re wondering, this birthday turned out to be one of the best I’ve ever experienced thanks to a virtual brunch spanning across eight states and four US time zones, surprise gift drop-offs at my door, a video montage from friends who have become family, a video call with my mom and siblings, and to top the night off, a cake, candles and singing from my roommates. Turns out they kind-of do like me.
[Thank you for reading! If you are looking for a church in Boston or churches in Boston please consider giving Renewal Church a try!]
